A Grain of Rice (Enough to Feed an Army)

To assist the exiled Pandavas (the sons of Pandu who were the rightful rulers of the land), the Sun God gave Draupadi (wife of the Pandavas) a special pot as a gift. With it she could always feed her own family as well as an unlimited number of guests. The only rule was that after Draupadi had eaten for that day, the magical pot would produce no more food until the next day.

Once, the great sage Durvasa, who was known for his quick anger, suddenly decided to drop in along with his army of followers. He wanted something to eat for himself and his followers, but the Pandavas had just eaten and there was no more food left. Thinking quick she asked him to go and have his bath first.

Fearful of Durvasa’s anger, Draupadi prayed to Krishna. When Krishna appeared before her, He listened as Draupadi explained the situation. He did not offer a solution, instead He said, “I am hungry, Draupadi, please feed me?” Confused, Draupadi replied, “As I’ve already told You, the pot is empty.”

Krishna simply smiled. “Please just bring Me the pot.” Still puzzled, Draupadi brought the pot and Krishna looked within. Seeing one grain of rice left in the pot He ate it saying, “Oh, this is delicious.”

Meanwhile, Durvasa and his followers, bathing at the river, suddenly became so full that they did not want anything to eat, and thus left without coming back.

The common moral given for this story, is that if the Divine is satisfied, the whole world is satisfied.

How different will our lives be if we see one grain of rice as being enough to feed an army of followers? What if, we could look at what we have right now and see it as more than enough?

You can! Simply start practicing right now! It is possible by imbibing an attitude of gratitude.

One declaration I say with my children when they are arguing over food or toys or anything else is:

“There is more than enough for everyone.”

So I invite you to take a look at your life from this perspective.

Gratefully Blessed,

Bhagavan Bauer

Change happens constantly, everyday. Without change there is no growth. We are in an ongoing state of flux. Everything in nature is experiencing some shift. Look at any tree or plant. There are either new buds and sprouts coming up, or the leaves are dying.

If you expect that your relationship with your child, or anything in life, will stay the same you are fooling yourself.

Shift Happens! Change Happens!

When you set up false or high expectations and become attached to the outcome, when things don’t turn out exactly as you had expected, you may feel frustrated, disappointed, upset, angry and/or guilty.

The same thing goes with your expectations of your children. You may expect your children to behave in a particular way. Perhaps, you want them to be mature adults when they come out of the womb, knowing how to act. There are times you may somehow forget that you were also once a child, and that you acted similarly.

I am not suggesting to have no expectations. What I am suggesting is to have acceptance, as well. Acceptance of what is: to be present to the process and detached from the outcome.

Do the best that you can in the process and accept whatever happens as simply the result.

A declaration I practice daily to remind myself is “I accept rather than expect!”

You are welcome to use this or create your own to remind yourself.

Well get in line!

There is a magic solution and it takes you doing something. Not to your children but to yourself.

Stop! Look… Listen! We all remember that one, right?

It was tought to you when you were a child in regards to crossing the road.

The next time you are struggling with your children practice it with yourself.

Stop: Pause what you’re doing. Take a deep breath, and get present.

Look: What is going on inside you? What is your mind saying? How are you feeling?

Listen: Get in line! (In “alignment”) with who you truly are. Who you know yourself to be. What is your heart telling you?

Make that shift in yourself, in your energy and it will make all the difference with your children, in your relationships and in your life.

Live on Purpose!

Bhagavan Bauer

P.S. Stay tuned for the upcoming free teleseminar “3 Suprising Secrets to get Your Kids to Listen”

Does it work? Sometimes, but most times they keep on doing it. Why is that?

When you say “don’t” followed by a command the brain hears the command and thinks of the action you stated. They are looking for the action you want them to engage in. They can’t “do” a “don’t” . The command is everything after the “don’t”. So when you say, “Don’t jump on the bed”, the command they hear is, “Jump on the bed.”

For example, if I say to you, “Don’t think of a white elephant” the first thing you probably thought of was a white elephant. If I say, “Don’t look over there” you look and say, “Where?”.

There is a universal law that says what you focus on expands, in your life.

When you say, “Don’t touch”, what are you focusing on, what you want or what you don’t want?

So, what do you want your child to do when you say, “Don’t touch”? My guess is you want them to keep their hands off of whatever it is they are touching.

Focus on the actions you want and use words that help to accomplish that action.

In my experience, with my kids, it is much easier to simply let them know what it is I want them to do. If I want them to not jump on the bed I say, “The bed is for sleeping upon. The trampoline or the floor is for jumping. Please stay off the bed.”

Instead of, “Don’t touch!” say, “Keep your hands to yourself!”
Instead of, “Don’t look down!” say,  “Look up or look ahead”
Instead of, “Don’t hit!” say, “Be gentle!”
You get the Idea.

Family Practice: Take a look at your life and begin to notice what you say to your kids. Write down when you tell them DON’T the most. What are the top five things you tell your kids not to do?

Now, write down what it is you really want them to do.

Practice this and you will see a big difference in your communication with your kids.

The issue is that many of us don’t use our internal PGS and therefore feel lost.

Just as your GPS in your car helps to guide you to reach your destination, your PGS (feelings) can be used as a measurement tool to balance you and connect with your true self.

If you have this great tool, why are you not using it?

Imagine, you’re driving to a new place with some friends while the GPS, in your car is providing you with directions. It says to you, “Turn left in 200 feet”. From behind, your friend  says, “Don’t listen to that. Go this way”, while another friend says” I know a really good shortcut go straight”,  and soon you are all lost.

If you allow your mind to be the back seat driver, you may react and close yourself off to using this great tool.

For example, your five year old son hits his younger brother. You get upset, react and say, “Don’t hit your brother. Go to your room and come back when you are ready to be nice.”  In this example, there is no pause, or looking at everything that is going on.

If you pause and take a look you can first check in with how you’re feeling. Maybe it’s frustrated, upset, startled, or a mix of a few emotions. This check-in leads to the next step which is looking at what’s out of balance or what needs are not being met.

If I were to check-in with my needs, in regards to the above example, it would be a need for safety, respect, and ease. Once I have paused, taken a deep breath and checked-in, I can respond to the situation and even share what’s going on with me. From this space I’m connected and present to what is alive in me and start the process of self-empathy.

After, using your PGS to check-in and get connected, you can see your need for safety and ease. Then you can respond to the above scenario with your children as follows: “When I see you hit your brother I feel concerned for his safety.  Please play gently with each other or move away if you need some space for yourself.”

Today start noticing your feelings and use them as a PGS (Personal Guidance System) to see how you can create balance and harmony within yourself and your family.

Feeling joyful,

Bhagavan Bauer

P.S. – You can see a full list of Feelings here.

Source Article from http://www.parent2parentu.com/PARENT2PARENTU/Blog/Entries/2011/2/8_The_DNA_of_Play.html

Wow, I really don’t want to write a blog today.  I can feel myself resisting, procrastinating, and trying to find anything else to occupy my time.  Sound familiar?  Whether it’s dishes, laundry, taxes, a project for work, or just getting off the couch to get some exercise, we all have the tendency to procrastinate.

So, why do we stare in disbelief when after the 10^th time of reminding our kids to put their shoes on and get out the door, they’re still reading or playing with their toys?  I’m pretty sure we’re engaged in a double standard here.  We have a specific agenda that we’d like them to agree to, but they haven’t actually agreed.  So instead of outright resisting, they procrastinate.  Or sometimes they actually physically resist, and often they verbally resist.

But here’s the thing about resistance, what we resist persists.  You don’t just go away and stop asking them to put their shoes on.  And neither do they stop asking for the toy they saw on television, or for a trip to the ball game.

What can we do without giving in to every whim of our child’s but also without resisting?  And how can we invite our kids to accept and embrace what we’re asking for, rather than resisting it?  I think empathy is a key here.  When I offer empathy to a kid who’s procrastinating, often, before I know it, he’s doing exactly what I asked.  I suspect that’s because I didn’t resist what was actually happening in the moment.

It’s easy to get frustrated that things aren’t going the way we’d like.  But this week, practice “being a yes” to whatever is happening.  When we can accept the present moment for exactly what it is (rather than wishing it were something else) things will often shift more quickly.  And we’re teaching our kids that getting mad about it doesn’t change the outcome, instead, accepting what’s actually happening (instead of resisting it) often gets better results and almost always is more fun and generally easier.

So, instead of resisting when June wouldn’t put her shoes on, I consciously tried not to force the issue, nor did I get frustrated with her procrastination.  Instead, I said something like, “Wow, it’s time to go and I asked you to put your shoes on 15 minutes ago.  It looks like you are enjoying the book you’re reading so much that you lost track of time.  OK, well I’ll be waiting in the car and we’ll leave when you have your shoes on.  By the way, you’re welcome to bring your book with you to the doctor’s office.”

What if she retorts with, “But I don’t WANT to go to the doctor, I HATE going to the doctor”.  Empathy again.  “I hear you.  Going to the doctor is no fun.  In fact maybe it’s even a little scary.  Are you concerned you might have to get a shot?”  “Yeah, the last time we went, I got a shot and it really hurt!”  “Yes, shots do hurt.  Well, hopefully you won’t need a shot today.  I don’t know for sure, but I’m wondering, is there anything that would help you feel better about going to the doctor today?”  “Ice cream?!”  “Hmmm, so you think some ice cream would help you feel better.  Well, let’s get going and we can talk more in the car about what will help you feel good about going to the doctor.”

At this point, I would come up with some alternate ideas of things that might help her feel better, especially if ice cream is a strategy I don’t feel good about.  I might suggest singing some songs or some extra hugs and downtime afterward.  And then the two of us would come up with a strategy that we can agree on.  Because throughout the exchange I never resisted her thoughts, ideas, or suggestions, but accepted them and put real consideration into what she shared, she’s willing to work with me to figure out something that will work for both of us.  This is an example of practicing a “power with” vs. a “power over” approach to parenting.  I’ll write more about “power with” and “power over” in future blogs.

Have a wonderful week and I hope to see you again here next week!  Warmly, Shelly

Guest blog by Shelly Phillips from Awakeparent.com

Shelly Birger Phillips is passionate about being absolutely the best mom she can be and supporting other parents to do the same. She offers Skype video parent coaching to parents all over the world using a connection-based conscious parenting approach. Shelly also has a free weekly blog about conscious parenting at http://www.awakeparent.com/blog

Source Article from http://www.awakeparent.com/Shelly/what-we-resist-persists/

Why is this?

Why do we act and interact one way when we are with a person, one-on-one, then behave and treat them totally differently when we are with a group of people?

This is an invisible wall we have created that hardens and separates and, if left unattended, may separate us from ourselves, our spouse, our kids and our community. Through our example, we teach our children to hide their true selves and only let it peek out in certain instances, therefore becoming more exclusive and closed instead of receptive and open.

How do we shift towards becoming open?

We simply start by allowing ourselves to become vulnerable and willing to let others in.

Begin by breaking down the wall!

Allow people to see you for who you really are. Then you can have access to the love, joy, compassion, and happiness that is alive within you and we can share in it, as well.

Is it guilt ridden? Does it exert power over the other person? Or is it caring, compassionate and loving while sharing power with the other?

In a conversation with my wife the other day, she reminded me to notice a big distinction in the words I was using. She noticed, I was saying I want to“talk to” rather than “speak with”. In using the phrase “talk to” she felt powerless, as though she were being spoken down to. Her reminder to”speak with”was very powerful, for me, because it allowed for space for open communication.

When you “talk to” or “talk at” your kids, or your spouse, does it work for you?

Today notice the small things you say, and see the impact they make on your life.

What words are helping you be open and come from the heart and which ones are not?